yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Alive.
So much puke
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
