i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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