the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
