I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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