When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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