Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Alive.
So much puke
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
