Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
