Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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