good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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