I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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