4 words: hood of his car
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
PANTIES FOUND
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