remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
