Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
