He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
