my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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