You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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