Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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