i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
