yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
