On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
