ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
