the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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