Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
