btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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