He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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