rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
