Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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