I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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