So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
