I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
