Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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