Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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