So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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