This is not my ceiling
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
