I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
