In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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