My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Can I color on your dick again?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We smell like vodka and hangover
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