dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
