My sheets look like a crime scene.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize