1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
