He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
