when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
