She's JV to your varsity
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
