I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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