Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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