Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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