do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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