i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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