if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
