Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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