A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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