A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
