I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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