Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she peed on how many people?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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