we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
