If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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