I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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