tell your sister to shave her snatch
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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