Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
