There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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