I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
