I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
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she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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