plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
