Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
