I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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