i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
