im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
