Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
