My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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