life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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