What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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