Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
