I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
