i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
