i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pooping to opera.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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