Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
