SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
