Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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