I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
