i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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