Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
