$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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