Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
