Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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