That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
