She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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