I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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