that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
